I got an e-mail from Casey this morning and it contained the above question. I sat down to write him a response and I thought my musings might be worth a blog. So, with apologies to Casey for quoting him without permission, here are both of my answers:
1. A Baby DOES change everything. The largest revelation of the last few days to me has been that I don't matter as much as I once did. There was a time when I was fairly focused on myself and my needs with my wife's being a close second. (Yes, I forcefully would put my wife's needs first, but my natural inclination was to think of me before anyone else.) With Aurora's presence, she is automatically my first concern. It doesn't require effort or a choice... I simply look after her needs before my own. It is difficult because, as a baby, she is not always a clear communicator of what her needs are. This has lead to me frequently (in and out of "urgent" moments) asking the Holy Spirit for wisdom on what I need to be doing to properly care for her.
On the marriage front, it feels like my wife and I have found a deeper sense of connection because we have a more intimately shared purpose than we have had up to this point. Sure, we've worked together on a lot of things in the past, but caring for our new child is beyond anything else we have ever done. It is a strange thing to look at my wife and see a mom. Her heart has become softer than I have ever seen it. These first weeks with our baby has brought many tears to both of our eyes (and some of hers are directly related to post-birth hormonal shifts), but I can see a profound change in her. The level of concern I see in her eyes for Aurora is... well... strange. It is occurring to me that for Aurora, she is going to be all the things that my mom was to me which seems impossible and wonderful all at once. I miss sex and the closeness that it brings (among other things ;), but Alesha and I have shared some wonderfully intimate moments staring at our newborn that have left me with the same feeling of emotional satisfaction. (Emotional. There are some things emotions can't buy.... for everything else, there's the ether bunny... I'm sincerely sorry. I couldn't resist.)
Work is another thing that is strange. I know it is important and everything... but I just don't seem to care that much. I used to be very willing to stay late but I find myself not so willing these days. I've always wanted to get home to see my wife, but adding Aurora to the equation was like building a tractor beam into our house. I want to get home as soon as possible so I can see her. I can't completely explain the desire... I just want to be where she is. It's that simple.
Working out has taken a nose dive. To get it in now, I have to do it during my lunch hour at work and I have not managed to do that at all this week. Next week I am going to redouble my efforts and begin to make it a priority again. I've been running and playing DDR but I don't think that could begin to combat the junk food that has been our lifestyle for the last two weeks. God help us all.
It is really strange to be in love with someone new. I fell in love with my wife over time. My existing family I loved... because... well... you love family even if you can't stand them. My love for Aurora grows every day, and it is strange. It is an entirely new and different kind of love, but has some of the same effects that loving my wife does. (Especially that tractor beam.) One major concern that I have is elevating my child over my wife. I don't think anyone does it on purpose. It just happens because they are new, exciting and absolutely mind-blowing. I'm committed to putting my wife first, my child a close second, and me third. (God is the foundation so let's stop with all the "Well, God should really be first" crap.)
2. A Baby DOES NOT change everything. The Sunday after Aurora was born I woke up and expected the entire world to look different. I thought I would be a new person with a new perspective. Nope. It was the same old me. The only difference was that I now had a very small person staring back at me through some glass. I still wanted to see Superman. I still want a big screen TV. I'm still reading comic books. While Aurora was taking a nap, I spent some time playing Quake. Ya'know... All my stupid idiosyncracies and nerdy interests were still in tact (And I honestly didn't think they would be.) I expected to wake up wisened, fatherly, and different. I woke up exactly the same... only a few hour earlier because there was a crying baby in the room. :)
I'll never forget many years ago when I was still in elementary school going to the hospital to visit someone who had just had a baby. We saw him in the lobby and his eyes were alight with joy and what he said was burned into my memory: "If I ever doubted it before I'll never be able to again: There is a God." Seeing this guy in such an excited state and making such a profound statement built up an expectation in me that the birth of Aurora would be a profoundly spiritual experience... and while the Holy Spirit was most definitely present and many tears of joy were shed at that first cry... I did not have a profound, life-altering experience with God that day. My theory is that for those who do not regularly walk in relationship with Jesus, something like child birth is one of the closest experiences that they have with the Divine. I talk to God every day. I've had profound, life-altering moments with Him... This just wasn't one of them. I don't say this to my credit, the discredit of others, or as some theological statement about God's involvement in *fill in this blank*. This is just the story of my experience.
I think the best way to describe Aurora's birth is that while I have not been instantly transformed, it is an event that has set me on a path to transformation so that every day from this day forward I will be in the process of becoming someone different than I would have been if she had not been born.
Long answer... and not even a complete one... but I have to get back to work! :) (I took a really short lunch to come and blog over some chinese food. Yum.)
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