What you seek is not written on the floor.

"You have touched the final level. You knew... without knowing."

Before making this post, I journeyed over to the DVD cabinet and pulled out this jewel that Kinser gave me for my birthday a few years ago. The Last Dragon. The last time I watched it was with Mike and Nick's cousins from New Zealand before we caught Episode 2. If anyone has ever made an argument against owning a decent stack of DVDs based around the "but you never watch them" premise, you are now officially wrong. I DO watch them. SEE! I just pulled out the Last Dragon 4 years later!

Bruce Leroy is not, however, the reason for this post.

Earlier this week I posted about the current angst of my spiritual walk. I'd like to say a big thanks to Casey and Durek for reaching out to me over the last several days. Case, our talk was incredibly helpful. Oh, and lest I forget, sharing my newfound joy with Brad over chocolate milk during an all-too-quick 20 minute visit.

I am a popped zit.

Huh?

Yeah, I'm a popped zit. I was a blemish, full of infection and disease. I didn't even know that I was full of nastiness. I thought God had pushed most of that out of me, but circumstances kept arising that showed me that I was loaded with a lot of things: jealousy, anger, resentment, entitlement... the list goes on. I was trying to determine how to manipulate God to get Him to do what He said He would do. (Longer story, not today) I have been genuinely disappointed with my internal reactions to circumstances, but it didn't seem like I could quite get rid of it. The long, dark puss boil of the soul continued to grow.

Finally, I had a breakthrough. I popped. I came home on Tuesday afternoon to a letter in the mail that made me angry. I tried to stay calm, but even if my external reaction looked fine, interally I was boiling. I literally just prayed out "God, I need to be encouraged." I turned on the TV and watched Joel Osteen.

Yep. Joel. So many Christians are outspoken about his "health and wealth" gospel... but I've been watching him for quite some time and that is hardly his message. The majority of what he really teaches boils down to allowing God to mold you into who He wants you to be so He can use you. The message my TIVO presented to me Tuesday afternoon hit home and hit hard. I wept. I confessed to God and asked His forgiveness for my attitudes and demands. The hardness in my heart melted. The infection was forcibly ejected....

...and now I'm different. My circumstances have not changed but something deep inside has changed. I feel like now I can finally heal. I have really come to peace with where we are and I feel like God I am in a place where God can actually teach me. Thank you, Jesus, for never giving up on us.

Now, on to less important matters:

My wife is gifted at creating work. The house can be wonderful and settled and she will see a "need" to change some things up. This, in turn, forces me to smile, nod and begin moving furniture, removing screws, putting in new screws, and basically sweating for what appears to me to be very little return. I cannot deny that I always like the outcome better but it has resulted in me having to go to Walmart and buy blinds today. There is nothing more painful than the installation in blinds. If such things had existed during the Inquisition I garuntee you blind installation would have replaced the rack and far greater numbers would have confessed to crimes real and imagined. (Perhaps this is my wife's intention and rearranging is the surfacing of her diabolical nature. Don't tell her I said that... ;)

Finally, I had been putting what little free time I've had into Kingdom Hearts 2. It's a great game with a strong story but it lacks gameplay variety... which leads me to Tomb Raider: Legend. Wow. WOW. I downloaded the demo on Xbox Live because it was the new demo and it's free so... what the heck? I had never played a TR game before and I was enthralled by it. The jumping, the swinging, the shooting... the everything. I hit the end of the demo and I was hooked. I wanted more. I had the games I needed to trade in order to get more, but Lara is rather buxom and I wanted to make sure my wife was okay with that. I asked her, she said she didn't really care (though she passionately hates Elise from SSX 3 because, as my wife says, "She's slutty"), and now I'm off raiding tombs... that is, if I can get these blinds hung, get some Last Dragon on, and then do whatever else she wants me to do. :)

Have a good weekend my friends. Please be praying for me as I am entering Unleash the Music next week. Peace!

O.